i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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