Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
