My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He? As in you personified your dick?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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