Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize