____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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