My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
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You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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