We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
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Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize