Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
