I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need to stop coming to work sober
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
