You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
