You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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