3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
