Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
