i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
