wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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