You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
