guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
