I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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