I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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