i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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