we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
