she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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