My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
