he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
