I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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