Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
