im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
