I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
