i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
