Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
