Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
