the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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