Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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