you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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