I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My liver just had a heart attack.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize