dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
