I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm at about main and main street
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
