A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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