Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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