If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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