You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
