Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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