Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
