i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
