What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
