i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
