Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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