I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I want a musical about memes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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