Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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