I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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