You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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