You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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