On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
