If that was your dad, he is hot
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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