I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
