I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
