She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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