I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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