need another drink. this is the easiest way
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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