but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize