Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
