I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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