You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
