the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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