If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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