I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
