hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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