So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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