Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
