I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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