i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
