I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sext me about skeletons
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
